She had an earthquake on her mind.

I find that when I get frustrated in life, it's because something in my life isn't connecting with something God has spoken to me. Lately I've been frustrated because I want so badly to not notice anyone, to not think of anything outside of God. And yet there's one person that somehow sneaks into my thoughts, & I really don't want him there...but it's hard when I see him once a week.

Fine, I admit it. I really am attracted to someone.

(I don't say "I like someone" because I've learned not to use that term quite so freely; I don't know him enough to like him.)

I don't want to be. I want to be on my own, & I don't want anything distracting me from...well, I don't know what. Life, I guess. It makes me nervous though, because this is the first time I've been attracted to someone for a right reason. Sure, he's a decent-looking guy, & he's pretty funny...but the thing I'm attracted to is his absolute, unshakeable love for God. He can't go one whole conversation without mentioning it. Not in a preachy, superficial way, but in a way that you KNOW he has an actual relationship with a living God. And that is the most attractive quality any man can have, in my opinion.

When I was considering dating someone over the summer, God spoke to me very clearly, & told me to wait. I didn't know what I was waiting for...& I'm still not entirely sure. But I know I'm in a season of waiting on God, & I admit I've been doing a pretty horrible job of it. It seems like my life is so "GO! GO! GO!" lately I can't find time to sit down & take my thoughts captive & just WAIT on God for anything. How are the two related? I don't even know. This blog is rambling word vomit. I guess I can't decide if this attraction is actually something God is working in me, or if it's just a trick for distraction. I know God's given me the desire to be married, & I don't want to waste any more time with the wrong person. I'm tired of that game, but I have no idea when God is actually going to bring someone into my life. Is it now? Is it in 10 years? I wish I had that answer.

Back to the first sentence. I'm frustrated. Where's the disconnect? I can't see it.

One thing I know for sure - I don't have all the answers, but I know someone who does. I know He's going to take care of me, so for once in my life, I'm not the least bit worried about this. Just thoughtful.

And that's really freeing.