Change Was Coming. I Could Feel It.

Just got home from NYC...will post all about it tomorrow.


"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward stand. "I'd better get home," he said.

I got awkwardly to my feet--I was stiff from sitting so still--& followed Edward out the front door. He went straight to his car.

"Will you stay?" I asked, no hope in my voice.

I expected his answer, so it didn't hurt as much.

"Not tonight."

I didn't ask for a reason.

...

After school, Edward & I were going to talk it out, I promised myself. I wasn't accepting any excuses.

He walked me to my truck, & I steeled myself to make my demands.

"Do you mind if I come over today?" he asked before we got to the truck, beating me to the punch.

"Of course not."

"Now?" he asked again, opening my door for me.

"Sure," I kept my voice even, though I didn't like the urgency in his tone.

...

He beat me home. He was parked in Charlie's spot when I pulled up in front of the house. That was a bad sign. He didn't plan to stay, then. I shook my head & took a deep breath, trying to locate some courage.

He got out of his car when I stepped out of the truck, & came to meet me. He reached to take my book bag from me. That was normal. But he shoved it back onto the seat. That was not normal.

"Come for a walk with me," he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand.

I didn't answer. I couldn't think of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I wanted to. I didn't like this. This is bad, this is very bad, the voice in my head repeated again & again.

But he didn't wait for an answer. He pulled me along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. I followed unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. It was what I wanted, I reminded myself. The chance to talk it all through. So why was the panic choking me?

We'd only gone a few steps into the trees when he stopped. We were barely on the trail--I could still see the house.

Some walk.

Edward leaned against a tree & stared at me, his expression unreadable.

"Okay, let's talk," I said. It sounded braver than it felt.

He took a deep breath. "Bella, we're leaving."

...

"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going...it's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," he said grimly.

...

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay--"

"As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me--somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, & I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you--it's yours already!"

He took a deep breath & stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder--like the liquid gold had frozen solid.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly & precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.

There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.

"You...don't...want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.

"No."

I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz--hard & clear & very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles & miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken.

"Well, that changes things." I was surprised by how calm & reasonable my voice sounded. It must be because I was so numb. I couldn't realize what he was telling me. It still didn't make any sense.

He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love you...in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize it's time for a change. Because I'm...tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." He looked back, & the icy planes of his perfect face were not human. "I've let this go on much too long, & I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."

He just stared at me, & I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had.
"

-New Moon (excerpts from pages 62, 66-70)