I Finished My Book Today.

I think I mentioned my book in an earlier post. It's called "Baby Plays Around," & it's about a girl drummer. It's an autobiography, really. Have you ever read a book all the way through & then wanted to start it over right away the minute you read the last word of the last sentence on the last page? That's how this one was. Joelle, I think you should read it. It's so interesting to read about the music scene in New York in the 90's, & what's changed between then & now & how they stay the same...& how quickly everything can change, depending on what decisions you make. It's about music, & of course drumming, but it's so much more than that, it's about overcoming some of life's hardest trials. I really, REALLY enjoyed it.

Worked at Chili's tonight. Made $45, which SUCKS. Working at OG the next three days, & then I have one day off, & then Isaac will be here for my Birthday! I still have no plans. I kind of want to do something really big & fun, but I feel like nobody would really come. So...idk how that's going to work out...

I've been watching American Idol this season, because of Megan Corkrey. She's pretty much amazing. Not the best singer in the competition, but incredibly unique. I love it. I hope she wins, or at least gets a record deal. I would for sure buy her CD.

I'm sleepy.

New Year's Resolution.

I never make resolutions because I always break them. Or forget them. But this year, I'm going to resolve to get good enough on the drums to play a whole Skillet song. And maybe even be good enough to play in a band. I would love that more than anything, to be in a band.

I'm re-reading a book I bought on sale at Mardel last year. It's part of a series called "Diary of a Teenage Girl." I think there are a couple of different mini-series about different girls, but this particular one is about Chloe, this girl who starts an all-girl band & ends up getting signed to a record label. Pretty much that would be the coolest thing ever. Anyway, I just found out there are 3 other books in the series, so I ordered them off amazon & I am way excited to get them.

I finally got a pro account for my Flickr. Check it out at http://flickr.com/photos/everydayhistoryphotography

Change Was Coming. I Could Feel It.

Just got home from NYC...will post all about it tomorrow.


"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward stand. "I'd better get home," he said.

I got awkwardly to my feet--I was stiff from sitting so still--& followed Edward out the front door. He went straight to his car.

"Will you stay?" I asked, no hope in my voice.

I expected his answer, so it didn't hurt as much.

"Not tonight."

I didn't ask for a reason.

...

After school, Edward & I were going to talk it out, I promised myself. I wasn't accepting any excuses.

He walked me to my truck, & I steeled myself to make my demands.

"Do you mind if I come over today?" he asked before we got to the truck, beating me to the punch.

"Of course not."

"Now?" he asked again, opening my door for me.

"Sure," I kept my voice even, though I didn't like the urgency in his tone.

...

He beat me home. He was parked in Charlie's spot when I pulled up in front of the house. That was a bad sign. He didn't plan to stay, then. I shook my head & took a deep breath, trying to locate some courage.

He got out of his car when I stepped out of the truck, & came to meet me. He reached to take my book bag from me. That was normal. But he shoved it back onto the seat. That was not normal.

"Come for a walk with me," he suggested in an unemotional voice, taking my hand.

I didn't answer. I couldn't think of a way to protest, but I instantly knew that I wanted to. I didn't like this. This is bad, this is very bad, the voice in my head repeated again & again.

But he didn't wait for an answer. He pulled me along toward the east side of the yard, where the forest encroached. I followed unwillingly, trying to think through the panic. It was what I wanted, I reminded myself. The chance to talk it all through. So why was the panic choking me?

We'd only gone a few steps into the trees when he stopped. We were barely on the trail--I could still see the house.

Some walk.

Edward leaned against a tree & stared at me, his expression unreadable.

"Okay, let's talk," I said. It sounded braver than it felt.

He took a deep breath. "Bella, we're leaving."

...

"Okay," I said. "I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going...it's not the right place for you."

"Where you are is the right place for me."

"I'm no good for you, Bella."

"Don't be ridiculous." I wanted to sound angry, but it just sounded like I was begging. "You're the very best part of my life."

"My world is not for you," he said grimly.

...

"You promised! In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay--"

"As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me--somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, & I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you--it's yours already!"

He took a deep breath & stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder--like the liquid gold had frozen solid.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly & precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.

There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.

"You...don't...want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.

"No."

I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz--hard & clear & very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles & miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken.

"Well, that changes things." I was surprised by how calm & reasonable my voice sounded. It must be because I was so numb. I couldn't realize what he was telling me. It still didn't make any sense.

He looked away into the trees as he spoke again. "Of course, I'll always love you...in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize it's time for a change. Because I'm...tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." He looked back, & the icy planes of his perfect face were not human. "I've let this go on much too long, & I'm sorry for that."

"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."

He just stared at me, & I could see from his eyes that my words were far too late. He already had.
"

-New Moon (excerpts from pages 62, 66-70)